Healing From Other Parents
Enjoy the latest ‘Healing Note‘! In case you don’t know – Healing Notes are submitted by parents just like you that are living with child loss AND finding a way to live an inspired life, heal and share the lessons we’ve all learned with you. If you have a story to share head over the the “How to Submit a Healing Note” page!
Every time I publish one of these I am moved to tears. It is so humbling to be able to share these with you and hold this precious space for the parents who submit. I feel so blessed to give you a voice.
When I read this note from Claudia I knew it was written from a deeply soulful place that poured from her broken heart. I know you will be as moved as I have been with reading her words on losing her beautiful daughter. Please comment below on what resonated with you in her writing.
She is missing…
I’ve been looking for her, that woman; The one that used to be happy most of the days, yes with the occasional bad hair morning but mostly with a life filled with blissful feelings, downs and difficulties just like we all experience but for the most part trying on a positive attitude.
I vividly remember she used to be excited about weekends, running, trying new recipes all the time, watching her favorite TV series, reading a new book or enjoying a delightful evening over wine, tea or a good coffee on a zen moment, bonding with friends, feeding her mind and spirit by nurturing friendships, enjoying intense and exquisite conversations further that the surface forming bonds for life she called it, having a carefree evening with the family and finding joy in the simple things. In life, those things we sometimes take for granted.
But I can’t find her, she is at sea, drifted away and carried by the waves of grief, giant waves that come relentless and at times one after the other with no spare in between.
Some days I can start to see a glimpse of a new smile on her, a new hope being born as she holds her grip with all she has, to today, and only today, there is no more because nothing is promised… to anyone. We just own this moment, no more.
The pain gets so physical she can feel it on her bones, the path in front of her isn’t clear the view is blurry and the dragons she is battling are huge and there are moments when she feels she can overpower them and finally become a thriving warrior, only to realize the dragons are just asleep – they are still there. When she is alone and out of the noise of the world and the “normal” activities cease for the day, she goes and finds that intimate space, her space, the one in which she can set the mask aside and be one to one with her most intricate self, no pretending, no expectations no questions to answer and no standards to meet, then she is dreaming about what it was and not longer is.
Tweet: She can set the mask aside & be one to one with her most intimate self, no pretending or expectations @crazygoodgrief http://bit.ly/1Pxhqys [click to tweet]
She is longing, yearning for glimpses of the eternal life, she is struggling to find firm land where she can catch a little bit of breath and plant her feet steady and stand strong. Her soul is pierced and wounded. It is changed.
Will it be forever?…She knows she has the magic powers, the sword that will cut the chains off the dragons so she can set her spirit free. She also has a precious treasure…Possibilities of a soul to be healed and hope and faith to be rebuilt in love, the love that comes from an eternal connection -The love of her child, which she is surrounded with.
Tweet: Possibilities of a soul to be healed and hope & faith to be rebuilt in love. http://bit.ly/1Pxhqys @crazygoodgrief #bereavedmom #grief #love [click to tweet]
She needs courage and maybe time to reconcile and take a hold of the treasure and let love be the ultimate price and the seal that will hold and guard the wound still. Love shall be the the vessel that will carry her to the promised and desired land where there is finally peace, at last. Or so she hopes…
On January 23, 2015 our life was forever changed, that night our beautiful, bright, smart, caring, loving, seemingly healthy oldest daughter Eunice left this world to be born to her eternal life, that night I saw the light on her eyes banish and with it our world became a completely different realty…
Eunice transition to the other dimension was really sudden, unexpected.
She suffered a brain hemorrhage caused by an AVM( arteriovenous malformation). The bleeding cause a seizure and that seizure was fatal, we were given that explanation by the neurosurgeon that saw Eunice when she first got to the emergency care. We have never heard of AVM’s, we didn’t know what they were and she never presented symptoms, (only an occasional headache) apparently AVM’s are rare and can be diagnosed only by CT Scans or MRI’s with contrast, some people can have recurrent migraines, seizures and other symptoms that can be easily confused with other conditions.
After my precious Eunice was put in ICU it took only hours for the doctors to determine she was not going to be recovering and that she was very sick. It was only a couple of hours after we got to the hospital when were facing the unimaginable, we were going to lose our precious daughter, we needed to plan for a funeral, we needed to decide if Eunice was going to become an organ donor. We needed to start learning how in the world we were going to start our day the next morning without the presence of our daughter.
Those three days that we spent in that Hospital were and will always be the most difficult, long, blurry days of my life. The worst nightmare.
We stayed with our baby until she was going to be taken to the OR to give her gifts, later we learned that her gifts saved the lives of 5 people. We have yet to make contact with them, we need more strength to do that.
Once, I heard someone saying that loosing a child is like getting your DNA changed; Now I know that is completely accurate. I feel Iike I have been burned to the ground. My beliefs, my faith, the foundation of the life we built in years, became suddenly compromised.
I know this journey is long, I know grief will be my lifetime companion and I’m learning every day how to live again. How to reinvent a different realty, saving what’s possible on the aftermath of this emotional collapse.
I’m learning to face my vulnerability, to face fear at times when I’m in the dark place, to feel pain but also to try and find ways to transform all this pain into a new purpose, I’m learning to be gentle with myself and the rest of my family, we all are broken, we all miss our Eunice, but we love each other and we believe Love will keep us afloat, love will help us to create something beautiful and meaningful out of the ashes.
Love is the answer.
Claudia is passionate about her quest for spirituality, learning a new way to create a thriving life after loss, reading, writing, cooking yoga beginner. She is a wife of the love of her life, Victor they have been married for 20 years and have three precious children:
Eunice (19) Yael (18) Ebenezer (13)
The family created a Scholarship in honor of Eunice Viniegra, the first one was awarded in June 2015 to a student from Champion HS in Boerne Tx. Eunice would have graduated in June 2015, the scholarship went to one of her fellow classmates.
The Family plan on awarding one or more scholarships every year in memory of Eunice, as well as establishing a foundation and help create awareness about AVM’s.
If you would like to contribute to our cause, have valuable information about AVM’s or you are interested in help us creating awareness and would like to contact us, you can do so via email at:
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